They say that in a divorse you should never pick sides.
Just be a friend to them both.
But ultimately, don’t you pick the one you was first friends with?
Well I can’t do that.
You see I blame my friend for the divorce.
Oh Feck it, I’ll just say it.
OK so she went off and had an affair.
A few affairs.
Alright, she rode half of Dublin.
But the question is: why did she ride half of Dublin?
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because her husband is a total bore!
More into his pints than he was ever into his wife.
He only has himself to blame.
His wife is hot, and a hot wife is a prize that needs to be cherished.
But my poor friend took her for granted.
And now he’s living in a bed-sit while she’s in the house with the kids.
Of course, she would never tell me this, but she’s told all her friends…..
She did it because he was not taking care of business.
And she is a woman with needs.
It seems once she hit 40 her vagina took control of her mind.
Her vagina said: no more 3 minute sex once a year!
I totally sympathise with her.
I’m not 40 yet and my cock has already taken over: must get oinked like a pig!
So what advice do I have for my friend.
Thats a hard one.
You see I’m just too polite to tell him to get his shit together.
Instead I just give him my “concerned’ friend look.
And he keeps drinking pints.
What I’m really concerned about is how I’m going to fuck his ex-wife.
You know, to help her get over him.
I really am a good friend.